When I set out on my journey to be a healer and help people to reconnect with their spirituality I hadn’t envisaged writing down my feelings. I hadn’t envisaged laying myself bare to myself never mind to other people. I had envisaged writing about my philosophies, but not about how I felt. All of this has been a journey to find my authentic self and I have to be fair it is an ongoing journey. So it is important to be truthful to myself and to others, to be honest. It won’t always be a pretty read. Setting boundaries my journey is just the start.

In the past when I have been trying to set boundaries I have confused the process of setting boundaries with shutting people out. My rigid boundaries were like a wall which shielded me from my anger and pain.

It was many years before I realized that this was the antithesis of mindfulness. At that point, I didn’t even know what mindfulness was. I was creating noise in my head which was a way of running away from my pain.

My assertiveness was, in fact, my ego, in fact, a big fat selfish ego suffocating any feeling from anyone else. The question I never asked myself did I mean to express myself in that way.

Perhaps, humility came with age who knows perhaps it’s still a work in progress. When I was blaming other people I became very good at judging them and basing my boundaries around that judgment. In other words, I just continued to push them away.

I understood on an intellectual level that we all want the same things in life. We want to love and cherish our families and make things better for them. I understood this while traveling in Asia in my 20s. Everybody else thought India was so different when Leo and I found it quite easy to realize that the people were no different at all.

It’s only quite recently that I have understood when talking to Spanish people here in the UK how English people overuse the word “sorry.” They cannot understand culturally how we can say sorry, not mean it and move on. Being sorry means that something has to change. You can’t mumble the word change and then carry on as though nothing has happened.

 

 

It’s only quite recently that I have understood when talking to Spanish people here in the UK how English people overuse the word “sorry.” They cannot understand culturally how we can say sorry, not mean it and move on. Being sorry means that something has to change. You can’t mumble the word change and then carry on as though nothing has happened. It seemed perfectly all right at the time to take out my frustrations and my husband, just because he was the nearest at hand. He was lucky if you got a cursory sorry. We all take out our frustrations on our nearest and dearest because we can. Being nonjudgemental is for me a relatively new concept. I don’t always get it right. However, I am much more aware when I do make a judgment now, and I try not to. I actively try to let the emotion go. When I began setting personal boundaries, I did not understand that their purpose was to resolve a conflict. At the time I was still blundering around in the third dimension, and the idea of boundaries filled me with a blinding panic. I spent most of my life until I was 60 fleeing from reality. Now I realize that my sense of flight was panic. I now realize that the conflict I was trying so hard to resolve was actually with myself. I was trying to fix the sense of disconnecting myself. When I met Sarah hunt and learned Cosmic Heart Healing it changed my mindset. Once I’d had my soul blockage cleared, I could go on and begin the process of healing. The healing goes on, and I have to realize that my next step is setting boundaries between myself and other people.

The healing goes on, and I have to realize that my next step is setting boundaries between myself and other people. I have been destructive with many people in my life and times.

I have also on two occasions have had to forgive things which most people have said I would find impossible. The journey has been long and hard, but I have forgiven both people. It has resolved the conflict, and I have cut the negative ties between those people. I genuinely believe that those people will not have come into my existence at any time in future lives because we are resolved. The process itself was easy once I realized that forgiveness is only letting go of the emotion to what happened. It doesn’t mean I have accepted or ever will accept that what those people did in my lives was right. I have only accepted that by hanging on to the pain of those emotions was destroying me. I’ve set the boundaries and forgiven them, but I can honor those boundaries by not having to see them again as well. They are me, and I am them, and I can open my heart to the extent that I realize this. It’s liberating to realize I don’t have to do what other people expect me to do I just have to live with myself! Setting strong boundaries is not a cure for my relationship woes, or anybody else’s for that matter. It has allowed me to take control and responsibility for my own actions and my own emotions. My soul blockage clearance has meant that I no longer need to take responsibility for the emotions and actions of other people.

Interestingly the stronger you make your boundaries, the better you feel about yourself. Personal boundaries are a method of showing yourself self-love.

 

 

In fact, I am becoming to comprehend that they are the ultimate reflection of self-love. In the past, I have done my fair share of trying to save other people. It took me a long time to realize that this didn’t give me any value at all.

 

It’s been a difficult journey since losing my partner to realize that I need to love myself more. Self esteem was never a problem in my life. Suddenly when losing a partner of 40 odd years, I understood he always had my back, and I miss it. This is paradoxical because I very rarely needed him to have my back.

 

I need a mindset shift. I mind, and I matter and believing both doesn’t make me selfish. It in fact, establishes my self-worth because I am worth loving!

 

I need to cut myself some slack and get that you wouldn’t treat your best friend with the harshness that you treat yourself. I need to show myself some of the love and compassion I demonstrate to other people. A change will not happen overnight, but I have to go on and keep challenging the limited beliefs that undermined me.

 

Recently I have realized I am hiding behind my guilt. Guilt at not saving him, the guilt of not loving him more. Loads of guilt loads of shit. I guess that’s the residue been brought up a Catholic.

 

It’s hard to realize that this type of guilt forces me to take responsibility for emotions which are not mine.

 

While setting boundaries for myself, I have been forced to reflect upon my life. By rising above the chaos, I found my behavior more straightforward to understand. I am no longer at the mercy of letting things happen naturally. I can take control, and I can change my reality.